Last night I went for a sleep study. Because I’m tired all the time. Like ALL the time. And I dream all the time. And I yell at things in my sleep. And I wake up a lot. And sometimes I choke.
It was at your local hospital and I got there at 9pm, bringing 2 pillows (1 pillow to snuggle), and my blanket, a book, iphone, grinder, vaseline, vicks, earplugs, eyemask…I’m terribly high maintenance. So the girl began hooking me up to many, many electrodes. First she measured my head and then with a red wax crayon, she marked my scalp. And then used alcohol to clean it. And given I just had my hair done yesterday, it kinda stung (you know how the stylist brushes your scalp a million times with a comb?), then some thick weird wax and then electrodes. I had 9 electrodes on my head. Then sensors around the top and bottom of my chest to monitor if I breathe with my stomach or my chest. And then electrodes beside my eyes and on my chin (eye movement and teeth grinding/clenching), on the outside of my ankles (restless feet/toe twitching), on my shoulder blades for ECG, clamp on my ring finger for oxygen (?) and a nose calendula. Did I spell that right? Whatever. Tubes up my nose. So I was supposed to sleep with this:
So, I climbed into bed and read for about half an hour while the lovely nurse hooked up another person in another room. I figured I’d haul all these wires to the washroom for the last time and then crash. She tucked me and I lay down.
Couldn’t sleep. Wide awake. I was exhausted, but awake. So I donned my grinder, eyemask, earplugs etc and waited. You know that moment where your thoughts get weird and you slightly dream but then you are jolted awake? That happened a lot. Until about 12:30. Do you know how hard it is to roll over with wires? I had to snuggle up to a huge box and pray I wouldn’t get electrocuted. I believe I nodded off for a bit but then I woke myself up yelling at someone, “Did you let the dog out?” (insert bad song here). And then I woke up at 4:30 and I had an awful headache and I finally asked if I could go home. So she came in and removed all the electrodes and I went home with weird thick white wax in my hair which took 20 minutes in a hot shower to get out. Apparently it melts out. Ew.
So I got home at 5am and made tea because I had to go pick up the boy at nana’s at 7:30 to take him to school. And now I am home and a zombie and now I go sleepies.
I’m really hoping they find something subtle…