Sometimes I have to tell myself to be brave.
Not very often, but it happens. And when it does happen, I look at myself and think, “I’m not brave at all”. It doesn’t matter what I have done or have accomplished, because when I look at myself I think, “that’s not me”.
I’m not feeling terribly brave today.
Or the day before that.
I’m feeling … like I’m done. Writing I mean.
As a writer, you are encouraged to encourage other writers. It’s a very difficult field and when someone wins or someone gets another contract or someone writes something so amazing you shake your head and wonder what the hell you’re doing being published … it’s very difficult. You need to encourage them. It’s not a competition. And yet … sometimes when you’re not feeling very brave, you feel unimportant. And I think what’s worse is, as a writer, I think we are all moody. I think you need to have that trait to write well. You have to be able to think you’re amazing with one breath and in the next, think you suck. Maybe to make you try harder? Maybe to make you dig down deep, down right into your toes and push it all out with the force of childbirth? And then when it’s born, you’re so pleased. So happy for yourself. So happy with what you created. But the process …
I find that writing magazines are somewhat helpful. They tell you how to find your creativity, how to market, what not to do, blah blah. But what about the magazine that tells you that you don’t suck? That tells you that it understands, that it knows it’s so hard? Where’s that magazine?
I know a lot of people don’t read this website blog. And that’s ok. Friends do and that’s terribly supportive. I try not to feel crushed as my comments have reached only 41 and my spam comments are in the 800′s. I don’t have a huge following. And that’s ok. No feeling sorry for me.
But what I want to say is, if you, sweet person who stopped by to say hello, or just to peek at who I am, if you happen to be a writer, I have this to say:
You can do it.
You can reach down deep and stir it up and pull it out.
You may be crying with frustration and sadness and fears because you can’t get an idea, your plot isn’t working, your characters are boring, you can’t find a simile for “said” without being pretentious.
You may be neurotically tracing your sales and getting more depressed because the numbers go down weekly and you wonder when your book will be found in the bargain bin.
You wonder if you’ll ever get another contract because while the first book may be doing well, it is a cut-throat business and you, my dear writer friend, are worried you’ll never write again.
Sometimes you don’t have to be brave. Sometimes you can feel sorry for yourself. But don’t let it linger too long. Because you have to remember:
You did it.
You are writing.
You have what it takes.
You can work harder.
The house will get clean later, the dog will be fed, the child will bathe at some point.
You will not feel guilty when wonderful hubby cleans the bathrooms and makes a burnt dinner because you didn’t have time.
And remember that you can’t be confident in your abilities, because God made it all happen, not you. And if He wants you to keep writing, you will. Let Him use you.
You will believe in you again.
Sometimes I need to read my own words more often….
Eating: earl gray tea. sadly, it’s cold.
Watching: Despicable Me (for the third time in three days)
Listening to: the child cough. oh he’s so sick.
Reading: Matched by someone on my Kindle. May buy it.